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| Well it has been a long time since i've updated my journal. I dont even know if anyone really reads this? I guess I just feel like writing an update for any followers.
I'm at college now, have been for a month and a half. My first week was spent in a tent all over Massachussetts. I learned about geology, jumped into a lagoon, ran from a hurricane, learned of thoreau, saw dinosaur footprints, and spent time all over Cape Cod. I met a few genuine people and overall it was a pretty good time.
Sometime I get really lonely here. I don't go out and party, I don't drink or do drugs. This makes my chances of having someone to hang out on a Friday or Saturday night slim to none. It makes me really thankful for my night hosting job, I sit in the lobby until late hours checking resident's IDs and get paid for it. At least I'm not lonely in my room. Two of my best friends here go home/to their boyfriends every damn weekend. I don't see the point. College isn't about going home every weekend, you need to stay here and live a little. Of course I can't say all that much since I'm bored a lot on the weekends. Yet, I have a lot of fun on the weekends too. It all just really depends on the weekend.
It's a little strange that my hometown seems to have followed me to college. I thought I would be out of this drama once I got here. It's so stupid, I wonder if people will ever grow up and mature. Oh and also, I will NOT take you using me to expell your anger. I didn't do anything to you and for you to treat me like that, it's not fair. So don't expect me to come cater to you or bring you to Syracuse because I won't do it.
I read through my old entries and it's all about how much I hate high school and can't wait for college. However, now that I'm here, part of me wishes to go back to high school. I never get to see my boyfriend anymore, I didn't see him for six weeks in a row before. It's just so hard being this far away and at new schools and cities. I also miss having true friends that care. Though nowadays, I'm not sure how true my hometown friends really are. I guess college is all about seeing who your true friends really are.
I've met a few really cool people here. Some people still irritate me, especially when they don't listen to me. I hate having to repeat myself because you aren't paying attention to me.
OH. So I'm so fucking happy that my boyfriend and I both do not drink. That would create so much more stress and strain on our relationship. There is this guy here, I guess he could be called my friend, well he goes out on the weekends. He went out Thursday, can't remember shit from the night. However, he went around telling people he hooked up with five girls. He has a girlfriend back home. He hasn't told her about this night. Oh she also says that it's okay that he goes to parties and grinds with girls because its "part of college life." Fuck that. I wouldn't ever approve of that. I don't understand how he could treat his girlfriend like that. Just be truthful with her and tell her you don't remember the night.
Ahh well I'm going to go find something else to do now I guess.
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| I just don't fucking understand. You tell me I never have any competition, that you love me and only me. But then you flirt with girls all over your facebook, rarely speak to me when on facebook, get pissed at me for the littlest things, never make time to come see me. What am I supposed to do? Is this really supposed to make me think you want to talk to me? Oh and ignoring me, that was a nice touch too.
I don't know whats happening anymore...
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| What's so great about June 2009?
Let me list the reasons for you...
June 2nd- Sims 3 comes out
June 15th- Last day of High School, forever
June 16th- New Sarah Dessen book comes out
June 17th- The Fray with Jack's Mannequin concert with someone amazing
June 18th- My 18th birthday, my golden birthday!
June 26th- Senior Awards Night
June 27th- Graduation
June 28th- My Graduation Party
Now, isn't that enough to make June 2009 the most amazing month of the year? Yes, I think so.
On a side note, I had a dream that I was pregnant. Yes, it was my boyfriend's baby. I grew so close to that baby, it was born as a girl. I loved her so much. Then my dream shifted like I left my baby with my parents or something and they forgot to feed her at 5 or something odd like that and she died. It killed me. I loved that baby to death. I don't know why but I can't get this dream out of my head.
I guess I'm just excited to grow up and eventually start my own family? Hopefully this isn't a bad omen...
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| I don't know what I'm supposed to do. The only thing I look forward to is seeing or talking to him. It hurts so bad when he says that he's going to go offline because I'm making him feel worse.
I can't even finish this entry. I want things to be different, like they were in the beginning.
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| I haven't updated in a few weeks, so why not? I got accepted into my fourth and last school I applied to. It makes me feel really happy that I got accepted to all of the four I applied too. It's like all the bullshit in high school actually paid off. All those people who say I don't deserve my grades or that I'm not that smart, where are you now?
A lot of people think Valentines Day is a hallmark holiday, but I like it. No, it's not because I have a boyfriend. I've always liked it, I would get so excited wondering if I would have a secret admirer. [No, I never did.] It was still exciting. Yes, you should show your SO love everyday, but that's like saying we should celebrate our birth everyday. Holidays only come once a year for a reason. I really liked going on a double date, I mean lots of points were awkward, but it was exciting. I also love my roses, so pretty. I still have the roses he gave me last year.
I really like my web design class. My friends took it just to be together, but I dropped band for it. I think I'm going to switch my major to graphic design, I love it so much. I'm also in an art class that's also fun. It's hard, but I love seeing my drawings and sketches turn into something amazing.
I don't feel well, my throat is killing me. My head aches, and I'm incredibly tired. I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning for snowboarding.
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